Why do you deny yourself?

It's been rough.

Not "bad", just difficult.

How can things be both working and not working at the same time?

On the one hand, I've done much of what I set out to do 2 years ago:

-I found my thing - my voice, my message

- I attracted my ideal clients (without limiting myself to a niche)

- I made money doing what I love

- I became more comfortable with being seen

- I created a successful framework

- I even built a group program around it, which has been so much fun to run...

So what now?

Last week, I was on a call with some of my creator friends at the Slow Down Club, when Matt asked me:

"So, Aleana, how are you doing?"

And I exploded.

I went on a rant for a solid 20 (or 40?) minutes

"I'm so tired", I said, with a tint of shame about "burdening" others with my complaints.

"Not because I'm overworked. But because I keep denying myself."

See, there's something I've been wanting for a while.

But the comfort of what I've built is already lulling me to sleep.

I've known for months that content creation is my ultimate goal (for now).

Not just as a means to attract clients, but as an end in itself.

The joy of creating, of expressing ideas, of connecting with an audience through video and words - it's what I dream about. Literally.

But here I am, still holding back.

Why?

Because my mind can't make sense of how to get there.

How to justify making the shift when my current business model is working.

It's like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, but my feet are glued to the ground.

The logical part of my brain keeps saying, "But Aleana, you've worked so hard to get here. You've "cracked the code". Why risk it all?"

And yet, every fiber of my being is screaming to jump.

But isn't this exactly where I was when I chose to build BRANDS ARE ALIVE? 

Why do I suddenly feel the need to see the entire path before taking the first step?

I've always had to walk before the path became clear.

So why do I now resist it?

My friend Chris reminded me of something crucial: Just because I can't make a living from content creation right now doesn't mean I shouldn't start that process.

It made me question everything. Why do I insist that I can only "provide value" by being personally present to resolve problems (but not just by expressing myself?)

And as my friend Dani pointed, that is still binary thinking. There are other possibilities beyond "this or that."

This is the power of being surrounded by smart people who care. I'm thankful to be part of this group of incredible humans.

The truth is, I'm scared.

Scared of admitting publicly that this is what I want.

Scared of not being good enough.

Scared of failing to meet expectations.

So here I am, standing at a crossroads.

On one side, the safety and success of what I've built. On the other, the unknown territory of pursuing what makes me feel even more alive.

That is:

- Building my marketing school of thought (The "Brand Of Full Self-Expression" being the classroom and seedling)

- Next to that, focusing on improving my skills as a content creator, as opposed to getting more 1-on-1 clients.

It's a few steps back, but for a giant leap forward.

I'm choosing to take that leap.

It won't be easy.

I'll have to let go of some aspects of my current business.

I'll have to face financial challenges — AGAIN.

But I'm excited. This feeling of new possibilities - this is what I live for.

To those of you who've been following my journey, thank you.

Your support means the world to me. And if you're interested in taking things to the next level, here's the link for the early bird pricing waitlist.

Here's to being a beginner again. A lot of uncertainty. But blue skies as far as I can see.

Let's see where this goes.

With gratitude, excitement, and a whole lot of lightness.

PS — Why do you deny yourself?